10 To Do’s to forget someone

You think that your heart can no longer be reprogrammed. But it works. And here you will learn 10 To Do’s on how best to overcome your heartache.

Forgetting someone you love is a huge emotional challenge. Whether you’ve just broken up, are going through a divorce, or just been rejected by your beloved, lovesickness feels like you’ll never be able to be happy again. All your love belongs to this one person, forever and ever, and that person was your only way to eternal happiness.

Do’s

1. Allow hatred, anger and above all grief

Hatred and anger overplay romantic feelings and unexpectedly quickly. The rose glasses are gone and you see the person as they really are.

The “sight” is of course unbearable, but look anyway! If you now remember the “beautiful” moments, then you no longer feel happy, but deceived and betrayed. You re-evaluate the memories, because now you know that your story didn’t have a happy ending. The bad feeling you feel when remembering helps you fall in love.

But it helps you even more if you remember the bad times. If you have written a diary, then it will hurt you to read the entries from the bad times. The bad memories help you even more to emotionally distance yourself from the person. And be glad, because now the bad times are over. No more jealousy, no mistrust, no more despair, no more sadness, loneliness and feelings of inferiority

The question, “How could I be so stupid?” is completely normal and to a certain extent you need this confrontation with yourself. This shows you that you want to say goodbye to your former self and make a new start.

But don’t let guilt eat you away. If you feel guilty or inferior, then you may have been the victim of a narcissist. You can heal from this if you are looking for a new task that takes a lot of time and passion. This can be a new hobby, but also simply the focus on your career.

I was also suddenly better at school when I didn’t have a crush on grades.

2. Overplay memories of good times.

Every now and then you will be haunted by great longing. Then it can happen that you idealize the person in your imagination. This means remembering the version of your partner that you would have liked to have had. Or maybe the person was so “ideal” at the very beginning of your romance? And did you then hope that things would be the same between you as they used to be?

Well, if a person “changes” so much and then doesn’t become as nice as he did in the beginning, then the person probably deceived you to get you around.

That’s why it’s perhaps easy to accept that much of the memories were a big lie and self-deception. An illusion nourished by insidious hope and a strong desire for happiness.

3. Consistent contact blocking

Do not respond to calls or messages of any kind. The person may send friends forward, but don’t let that impress you either and turn them away.

“Let’s talk sensibly” you hear quite often in such situations. But what does the other person mean by that? It’s over. But the person just doesn’t want you to be angry with them or even hate them. Perhaps she also fears for her reputation? Maybe you have so much influence that you could harm him/her?

Appeasement in this case is a means of damage limitation, but at your expense. Because you suffer from contact and cannot heal. It is also completely absurd to believe that a friendship based on your story with this person is still possible. It’s like having no claims to integrity and loyalty in friendships.

4. Plan your free time

Distraction is the best remedy for heartbreak, after all, you should not feel hatred and anger all the time. Do sports, design a sports plan directly, go away with friends, plan trips, actions, do something charitable, something crazy! Everything you’ve always wanted to do! You now belong only to yourself and do not have to keep up with any agreements!

If you had a common circle of friends, then look for (also) new contacts.

In the age of Facebook & MeetUp, this should not be a problem even for extremely introverts. There are great groups where funny people constantly want to do something beautiful. There you get to know new nice, active people who almost always have a separation behind them and who are also just rediscovering themselves — and then you also meet at a thing that you enjoy together.

It happened to me that after a breakup I had the best time of my life and I experienced everything I always wanted to experience.

Which friend sticks to whom should settle itself over time. Just don’t print or “advertise” to your friends. If you really like you, you will also be more likely to invite you to your birthday. And if not, then it is also so, then you may not have had such a deep bond with each other anyway.

Everyone has a certain selfishness. You too. And that’s good! In such phases, you also learn which friend will make it into your future. This, too, is a process of cognition that will hurt and keep you busy for a while. But even that is not the end of the world.

5. Social Networks Ban

Can help, but is not always smart. If you have a very large common circle of acquaintances and friends, it seems silly to the outside world to “unfriend” each other. But it is now absolutely normal.

On Facebook & Co., there are enough ways to stay “friends” with the person without involuntarily sharing status messages, likes and photo links. View offline (for the person), lock profile details, status messages. Avoid seeing what he/she is doing. Also block their status messages.

6. Dispose of anything that reminds you of the person

Keep things he/she has given you if they have an obvious practical use. This proves to yourself that you can think sensibly and separate things.

Things that only have an emotional value, however, should be disposed of immediately or given away at Christmas at the (scrap) Wichteln. It’s even really nice when you see that you’ve made someone else happy with it.

When you free yourself from all things that remind you of your ex,” you prevent yourself from being unexpectedly overwhelmed by emotions, such as longing, grief, and regret.

If there are items you don’t want to throw away, pack them in boxes and keep them in a place where you never go.

Disposal:

• the legacy of your ex
• Gifts
• Music
• Pictures, drawings, or artwork that remind you of your ex

7. Blasphemy

… is actually uncool, but: Sharing anger, hatred and disappointment with others has a liberating and uplifting effect! Do what is good for you, be selfish!

You don’t have to be ashamed of what has been done to you. Tell your mutual friends. You quickly notice how many are annoyed with you and you are happy about approval and support… Everyone will congratulate you on the courageous decision to never see the person again. You can count on the people later when you are tempted again… They are your supervisory authority.

8. Do things that you always enjoy anyway

You will see that there are other things that make you happy more sustainably than living in a matrix of feelings.

By the way, sport always makes you happy. And cook! And invite friends! And go away with friends! And barbecue together…. and and and…

9. Write about it!

No diary or blog yet? Then it’s best to start right now! Writing liberates and documents insights that you may need again later in a similar situation.

You will become the author of your best guide! In a few months or years, you will be able to remember and wonder about yourself, or recognize yourself in many things. Writing also has an amazing therapeutic effect, because as a reader of your memoirs you are the 3rd person yourself and thus suddenly ….neutral!

Imagine if someone else had written all this to you… What would you say to him…? Oh, can you think of a smart answer? Et voila, reason is back! While browsing my diary the other day, I was amazed at how desperate I sometimes was, how much I could bear, how extremely clever my own teachings and advice were, how accurate my predictions were, and how unexpectedly quickly everything turned out again.

10. Avoid relapse

Anger and hatred have been overcome and now a painful longing invades you from time to time, despite everything. It is in this phase that one is most at risk of relapse. If the person reports now or appears somewhere unexpectedly, you could easily become weak — and if you do, then everything starts all over again.

You are friendly, the person of course too (he has no reason to hate you, on the contrary, he still wants this stupid selfish reconciliation from which only he benefits).

The situation is pleasant, you become reckless and don’t remember all the resolutions. Here it means: stay tough, gather initiated friends around you. Or: Force yourself to change location! Right away. Maybe others want to come along… Remember how well you’ve been. Do you seriously want to go through this again?

Remember the reason for your anger. Don’t be lulled. If the spatial separation does not work, it would even be wise for the time being to build up an additional new circle of friends. You don’t have to break off contact with old friends, but a new environment would also be a healing new beginning for you.

Don’ts

1. Stalking

Whether passive (profile spans in social networks) or active (write to, call…). Does not help to forget, nor does it make you happy. You compulsively keep the person’s memory alive and can’t lock up or open up to other potential partners. Besides, this is pathetic and you will be ashamed one day.

2. Maintain wishy-washy contact

Don’t let it keep you warm. Does he send you messages every now and then, sometimes even at night? They will hurt, but don’t react to it. He may become more persistent and your hope will come back to life — but be strong! It’s just his ego that delights in the fact that you’re so into him. He snaps and you jump… He does not want to let this source of confirmation dry up. He probably doesn’t care that you’re suffering from the situation. But if you stay strong, you’ll see how good it feels to regain control of the situation.

3. Revenge

The satisfaction of this does not outweigh the use of energy. The person is punished enough with himself and perhaps deserves pity for so little degree of backwardness and reflectivity. And most of the time it does not help you to conclude, on the contrary: Wars of the Roses cost nerves, time and energy. Forgetting is about experiencing something new so that the old memory fades and you heal.

4. Power games

Avoid polarizing your mutual circle of friends. (Danger at “Do’s”, point 7) Be open to criticism from your friends because they have a different perspective and see things more clearly than you do. Don’t turn your personal problem into a public mudslinging and don’t drag others in. If you ask others to choose a side, then the question alone could mean the decision.

5. Suppression

Suffering is unpleasant, but helps to complete faster than if you would suppress your grief. The wounds heal faster, you learn to evolve.

Men and women suffer very differently. Men repress and are on the hunt again shortly after the separation. Women, on the other hand, deal with their feelings and take more time to think about the relationship and themselves. In men, this reflection only begins after a few weeks or months. Then it may be that they suddenly arrive again and ask for a second chance. Meanwhile, the women have long since overcome their heartache and have long since reoriented themselves.